On March 5th, I had to say goodbye to my grandmother, my favorite person in the entire world 🌎 . I am enormously sad but know she lived an entirely fulfilled life and I know she went peacefully, to a better place. I had the privilege to be with her in her last days, hours and minutes. Sharing last jokes, smiles, and hand squeezes. There is nothing that could make my heart more full.

My grandmother loved me unconditionally, our relationship was truly one of a kind. She was always my first call on a bad day. Her spirit, voice and laughter soothed my soul. She was proud of me, proud of her heritage, her family and the full and happy life she lived. She was vivacious and colorful, she never sat still except to play a hand of cards or to sew, which she did with both elegance and expertise. She always let me dress up in her clothes and played along too. She was a master seamstress, she made her and my grandfather matching suits for every occasion (honestly, the true definition of relationship goals). They traveled the world together and bowled together, she encouraged me to do the same. I had the honor of traveling to Japan with her twice.

My grandma was small but mighty. She believed in exercise, a good meal🍴(whether Japanese or Southern - she could cook!) and doing the right thing. She taught me so much about life. I am thankful for every gene she gave me, even the stubborn one.

Here’s a few of my favorite lessons from my grandma:

- It’s always better to be overdressed than underdressed 👠 👛 👗

- Make people smile and laugh always (she said this was the key to a successful relationship too)
- Hold on to the Aces♦️

I could go on forever about my grandma, my number one. I will never forget all of the love that reverberated from her hand to mine. All of the memories and lessons she taught me will continue to be treasures that I hold tight and keep with me always. I love you, Grandma.

Everyone knows the mother-in-law jokes. My mother-in-law was the opposite of the stereotype. She was funny, and caring, and a true friend. She always had a smile, and I can’t remember ever seeing her seriously angry.

When Joe and Setsuko returned to New Jersey after several years in Iran, we were in Washington DC. I looked forward to pleasant weekends at their home. It was always a treat. She made me feel like an adopted son. She was a wonderful cook, and even simple meals were something to look forward to. It was my home away from home. Sometimes I thought I enjoyed the visits more than Cora did.

The holidays were a particular treat, especially Setsuko’s patented butterfly cookies. Her house was always caringly decorated and smelled like Christmas. Even the aluminum tree with the colored lights is a permanent and joyful memory.

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Setsuko had an adventurous spirit. This was clear from her marriage to a foreign “enemy,” which involved living in the US as well as Europe and Iran. It took a lot of courage to leave her home and family. In those days, phone calls were expensive or impossible, and travel also pricey. Goodbye was semi-permanent. When, years later, my Foreign Service assignment in Iran involved her daughter on the periphery of the 1979 hostage drama, there were no recriminations. I didn’t think about it at the time, but many moms might have protested the risk to their daughter and suggested a career change. 

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During our subsequent Foreign Service assignments, their house was home base when we returned stateside. And travelers as they were, we knew we could look forward to at least one visit at every posting, no matter if it was, like Kathmandu, at the end of the earth.

When we retired to Anacortes, Joe and Setsuko soon followed, buying a home a few minutes’ drive from ours. We became much closer, as over the years I began to spend more time helping around their house, and later, also chauffeuring on shopping trips. As Joe’s health deteriorated, it increasingly became Setsuko and me on the commissary run. Usually this included lunch at the Chinese buffet. I always enjoyed these outings. I think she did too.

She was a little lady who always punched above her weight, to borrow a bad analogy from boxing. There is a big empty space in my life these days. I miss her greatly.

I think about my mother/okasan almost every day and miss being able to spend time with her, to hear her laugh, and to see her ready smile.  She was full of love for her family and friends, and almost always had a big smile on her face for anyone she encountered.  Her smile reflected a kind and open heart and the peace and joy she felt as a true believer and follower of Jesus Christ.

Setsuko taught me to be honest, fair, hardworking, and strong.  As a child, I did not realize how strong she was or how much the samurai spirit of her ancestors lived in her.  Her strength is clear from the many challenges she faced and conquered, i.e., the death of her beloved eldest brother during WWII, the premature death of her father not long after the war ended, the loss of her dream to become a pharmacist, marrying a foreigner, leaving her Japanese family to move to a foreign country with her American husband, living in many foreign countries, and more.

I am so grateful that she also taught me about Japanese culture through songs, stories, and games.  We did fun things like hang up a paper ghost-like looking figure called Teru Teru Bozu when we wanted to ask for good weather, made origami samurai hats and men in kimonos, dressed in kimonos for New Year’s Day and Girls Day, and ate Japanese food when she could get the ingredients, which wasn’t very easy back in the 1960s.  When we lived near Tokyo, Japan from 1961 to 1964, the three of us visited her Japanese family, and they came to visit us in Tokyo.  During the two summers we lived in Japan, my mother and I spent one month each summer at my Japanese grandmother’s house and visited her brother and sisters’ homes in Hokkaido, Japan.  We had picnics on beaches, visited temples and went cherry blossom viewing with my grandmother, aunts, uncle, and cousins.  There was so much laughter and fun whenever she and her siblings got together.  Being able to connect with my Japanese grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins was a gift from my mother that I treasure. 

Setsuko delighted in her grandchildren, Krystyna and Michael Lijek.  She and Joe came to visit soon after each child was born.  They also visited us almost every Christmas, even when we lived in Poland and Germany, where it was pretty cold at Christmas time. She would read stories to our children in English even when it was difficult for her to pronounce the words, and the kids couldn’t quite get what she was saying.  She taught them to play Japanese games like ohajiki, which involves a lot of buttons and knocking them about somewhat like the game of marbles and did art projects with them like making clay handprint molds, painting t-shirts, painting rocks, etc.  After Mark’s retirement and our move to Anacortes, Setsuko and Joe moved all the way from New Jersey to be near us, especially the grandkids.

After Joe and Setsuko moved to Anacortes, we saw a lot of them.  It was so wonderful for the kids to be able to grow up with their grandparents so close.  When Krystyna and Michael were young, Setsuko and Joe took care of them from time to time so that Mark and I could have some adult time and get away for a weekend from time to time.  Except for bowling, which my father loved and wanted to impart to them, it was my mother who enjoyed playing with the kids and keeping them entertained.

Before we moved to Anacortes, I learned that Anacortes had a Japanese sister city.  Within weeks of arriving in Anacortes, I joined the Anacortes Sister Cities Association (ASCA).  When my parents moved to Anacortes, they too joined ASCA.  They hosted Japanese visitors and traveled to our sister city in Japan, Nikaho City (formerly Kisakata).  Setsuko was a tremendous help to ASCA when adults and students came to visit Anacortes.  She helped translate for visitors and particularly enjoyed translating during visits with Mayor Dean Maxwell at City Hall.  She also, entertained groups of visitors in her home and took visitors to local attractions.  When I was running the Nikaho City student exchange, it was my mother who helped me communicate with my counterpart in Nikaho City.  She also helped me translate the Japanese students’ essays about their visit to Anacortes.  She was also a great help when one of the Japanese students was feeling homesick or having difficulty adjusting to a new environment.

My mother was the one I called when I was sad or had a problem until she got to an age that I felt it was too much of a burden for her to share in.  She always listened to me and gave me good advice.  I have missed this part of our relationship the most as no one, not even the best of friends, can replace the quiet, loving way she, as my mother, helped me.

Despite having stomach issues beginning November 2019, Setsuko rallied for Thanksgiving and Christmas.   It was a blessing that she was able to spend those two holidays with friends and family. When Setsuko passed away on March 5, 2020, her beloved granddaughter Krystyna was by her side.  I was sad that I could not be with her and that she had passed away, but also relieved because her last few months had been very difficult for her.  As more time passes, I seem to miss her more.  When I see something that was hers that I now have or think about something she said or did, I wish she were still here.  But I know that she is in heaven, and I hope that she is with Joe and her Japanese family, who she loved so dearly.  

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